The Organized Mess

• Question: ss - Anonymous
• Answer:

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你在远处眺望

爱恨焦灼，撕裂，对抗

我，努力抵挡，无助彷徨

爱却在瞬间徜徉

你的释放，让我，从此不在流浪

Such a place would be nice for chilling. I want.

I kinda like this.

(via dangernight)

I WANT THIS!!!!!!!

If only my room is big enough. 

I want my own space.

(via tumblringterry)

I think it is safe to say that no one in this world truly knows who they themselves are.

We might know who we are at this moment in time but as time flows on, we meet new people, discover new things, face new experiences and we are ultimately changed in some way or the other. The change might be really minute such that we do not realize it but that does not negate the fact that we have indeed changed.

So if we are changing all the time, sometimes even without us knowing it, how can we say that we truly know ourselves?

I don’t know about you but I would say that I am constantly rediscovering myself, getting to know myself, and realizing just what kind of a person I am.

If I am totally honest with myself, I will say that I am actually someone with a not so high self-esteem (I do not want to use the word low because that sounds really negative). I always felt that I’m not good enough, haven’t accomplish enough, don’t know enough… etc. 

I wish I could also write for lonely planet…

I wish I could be as creative…

I wish I could play the piano as well as…

I wish I could be as musically inclined…

I wish I could be as witty and smart… 

I wish I could be as pretty and graceful…

I wish I could have a talent to be proud of…

I wish I could be as accomplished…

I wish I could travel as much…

I wish I could make as much money…

I wish I could…

All these wishes eventually became detrimental because I would feel as if I couldn’t measure up, making me depressed and emotional, which is what I definitely do not want to be.

Then one day, I had an epiphany.

It didn’t come with a flash of lightning or a boom. There was no fireworks or grand affair. I was simply standing in the middle of my room, preparing to take a break away from my computer, when it just came upon me out of nowhere.

Why do I have to beat myself up over all the things I couldn’t achieve? 

All these things that I couldn’t do, they are not my flaws. It merely means that I still have room for growth! There are things that I can still learn! Areas for me to explore!

All these things that others have accomplished… it’s their accomplishments. That doesn’t mean I have to do what they did or try to accomplish something more. It merely means that there are still goals that I can strive for, dreams to work towards, hopes to cling on to, opportunities to suss out, roads to be taken, adventures and journeys to go on… It means that I am still alive, I am not there yet, but I am on my way!

I am in the making.

I may not be perfect. There are many things that I do not know how to do. There are no great achievements under my belt. 

BUT

It’s ok.

I can learn. I can try.

As long as I live each day better than the one before, I’m on my way to becoming a better person.

As long as I learn something new, I’m on my way to becoming a changed person.

So I don’t know who I really am. Yet.

I am simply embarking on a journey of exploration and discovery in search of myself.

I am still changing.

I am still growing.

I am me, whoever that might be.

And I’m happy.

That’s all that matters at the end of the day.

Isn’t it?

這就是我 － 戴佩妮

I keep replaying this song because I simply adore her voice. It’s good for chilly lazy afternoons like this.

Little House - Amanda Seyfried

It’s that time of the year again to recount the past year and set resolutions for the next.

I’m not going to recount how 2011 has been. To me, the past is past. So… whether it’s been good or bad, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’ve grown a little, learnt a little, hurt a little, laughed a little, sang a little, danced a little, dreamed a little, loved a little, lived a little.

So now, to look to the future, here is my list of resolutions. I do hope that this time I’ll be able to keep them because I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be an important year for me so it’s actually imperative for me to make some changes in my life. And for the changes to happen, to these resolutions I must keep. 

Go Alethea!

1. To rely more on God and less on myself!

I have to be honest. Most of the time I tend to be too occupied with my own thinking that I’ll just go ahead and do what I feel or think is right, instead of seeking God first. Only when things screw up then I ask, what did I do wrong? What should I have done? How stupid. Then I realized that if I had been less impulsive and actually seek God first, things would have been a lot easier, I wouldn’t have to take the wrong path and make an unnecessary detour to start over again. So yes. More of God, less of Alethea. No matter what kind of spiritual gifts you have from God (be it seeing visions or whatever), it’s useless if you just end up doing things your own way and relying on yourself because you’re just wasting what God has given you. My own opinion of course.

2. STRUCTURE!

Ok I admit. I lack discipline. It shows in my sleeping hours (I can sleep at 4AM and wake up at 2PM the next day). So that has to change. This unhealthy habit has to go away. It’s not good for my health, not good for my life, not good for anything. So yes. 2012 will be a year of early mornings and regular sleeping hours!

Aim: Sleep by 12AM, wake up by 7AM.

3. Read More!

I used to read alot. Yet as I grow older, I start reading less and less. I’m not liking this. Where has my passion for reading gone to? I’m not going to let the busyness of life be an excuse anymore. There are many unread books sitting on my shelves so back to reading I go!

Aim: At least 10 pages a day. Any book. Newspapers, magazines, and bible included.

4. Write More!

I used to write alot too. But again, I’ve let the lazy monster in me take over. NO! I’m going to start writing again. I read somewhere that expressive writing can help to improve memory or something. So here’s to better memory! Haha…

Aim: At least 1 entry in my diary every day. Yes I do keep a diary. A pen and paper diary. Not everything is online or has to be online.

5. Be more active!

This is very important. For the sake of my health, I need to start doing some exercise. I know I’m weak. My health is bad. So I need to change that! YES I CAN!

Aim: Hmm actually I don’t know where to start. Perhaps at least once a week. Starting from light exercises. I wanted to do Pilates again but… I don’t have the money to go for classes now. So perhaps cycling, rollerblading, or jogging. Yeah. I have to think a little harder for this.

6. Work harder!

Yes! Need I say more? Haha…

7. Spend quality ME time with myself.

When I was still studying in Uni, I used to have a ME day where I’ll spend one day by myself either going to the museum, find some new activity to do, explore a new place… or just… I don’t know. Spend time with myself. Hahaha… meaning no contact with any one else that day. Just me. I kinda enjoyed that and haven’t done that for a long time so I do miss that a little. Time to bring ME day back!

Aim: Once a week? Or at least once every two weeks.

8. Manage my finances better

Which means spend less, save more. Especially since now I don’t have as much income as before. I’ve never been good with my finances so it’s time to start being better at it!

9. Travel!

This is more like a hope. A wish. A dream. Hahaha… To travel more, see more, and explore more.

Aim: Hopefully….. twice a year? Heh… *keeping fingers crossed*

Now… last but not least…

10. Listen more, speak less.

I’ve all along been a very straightforward and direct person. I tend to just speak my mind without caring that much about the consequences of it. Especially when I’m with people… I tend to get high… 人来疯。So many times I end up saying things I shouldn’t have or hurting people unintentionally. I mean no harm really. I don’t mean to hurt people but sometimes, I speak too fast and the words come out wrong. Time to change that. 

So yes… here are my resolutions. 

I WILL KEEP TO THEM! I MUST!

What about you? What are your resolutions?

To end off, here’s a video to share

大家记得，早睡早起身体好！

Have a blessed 2012!

If I ever get to be a mother in the future, I would dedicate this song to my children (I wanted to say sing but then… I think my singing will spoil the song so better not).

(I do hope I get the chance to be… but… oh well. We’ll see.)

So… to my future kid. 别忘了勇敢 别让你的梦破碎 享受那辛苦 又甜蜜的一切. 上帝的礼物 多丰富 等着你领悟.

小太阳的愿望 by 自由发挥

天真的你红红的一张脸 是我见过最纯净的美
你什么都不用做 让我凝望你的脸 就感到快乐 又神奇的和谐

你正要去好好感受世界 也许会受伤也许会流泪
但都别忘了勇敢 别让你的梦破碎 享受那辛苦 又甜蜜的一切

OHH~ OHH~ 雨过天晴 要记得幸福
OHH~ OHH~ 上帝的礼物 多丰富 等着你领悟

而我想要给你的 多过你能负荷的 可是我却不能 照着我的原则
因为你必须自己选择

而我要学习舍得 放下我的矛盾 看着你去狂奔 抚慰你的伤痕
这是我必须为你做的

OHH~ OHH~ 雨过天晴 要记得幸福
OHH~ OHH~ 上帝的礼物 多丰富 等着你领悟

我也是这样走过来 没一个例外 才发现原来 这才叫爱
原来我也曾经如此的被爱 于是我回过头去爱 当一个小孩
才发现原来 他们一直都在
那是我毫无畏惧的答案

天真的你红红的一张脸 是我见过最纯净的美
你什么都不用做 让我凝望你的脸 就感到快乐 又神奇的和谐

你正要去好好感受世界 也许会受伤也许会流泪
但都别忘了勇敢 别让你的梦破碎 享受那辛苦 又甜蜜的一切

OHH~ OHH~ 雨过天晴 要记得幸福
OHH~ OHH~ 上帝的礼物 多丰富 等着你领悟

Of the different covers I’ve heard, I think I like this one the best. There’s a sweetness to it that befits her age. Not trying too hard. Not acting mature. Not overdone. Just right for her.

Or should I say, she made it hers. And to me, that’s what’s most important about a cover.